Marvel's Avengers Assemble Some Husbands!

Impressive? Yes. Husband material? Hmmm...

Impressive? Yes. Husband material? Hmmm...

Saving the Universe is all well and good but one day, they're going to want to settle down, otherwise, what's the point? Which got us thinking, which of the Avengers would make the most suitable husband? We'd do the wives side too if Marvel had got around to introducing any more women to the franchise so we'll have to get back to you on that. Meantime, we present the Broken Shark Guide to Husbanding an Avenger.

Tony Stark / Iron Man

BS Rating: 8/10

He’s likely to push you out of the way to get to the mirror and you may well not be the only girl he finds  magnetic (sorry) but you’ll never need to hail a cab again, he has good taste in music and you’re bound to have one hell of a time with him that’s for sure. Also he drinks champagne, like all the time.

Pros Cons
Stinking Rich Raft of emotional issues / PTSD
Dashing Narcissist
Unlikely to suffer heart disease Not a heart you're going to find scratched on your school desk
Nice house Frequently demolished
Shiny red outfit Shiny red head girlfriend
So many shiny cars You may not be into shiny
You're totally into shiny Other girls are into shiny. Grrrrrr

Steve Rogers / Captain America

BS Rating: 5/10

Try as we might we just cannot get excited about straight as a die Steve. He will definitely be reliable AND can probably do the Lindy Hop but that’s just not enough for a Broken Shark kinda gal. Sorry Cap.

Pros Cons
Reliable Reliable
Probably good with household bills So dull he doesn't even have a weapon
Won't expect you to go to work Won't like it if you do
Won't die first due to slow ageing from super soldier serum Will definitely leave you when you hit forty
Good on 50's politics Won't stop banging on about the communists
Great gym buddy For the first two sessions
Probably gets up early to make the most of the day You're going to want to lie in occasionally and he is not going to be okay with that

Bruce Banner / The Hulk

BS Rating: 4/10

A tough one because Ruffallo’s Banner is too damn lovely for words but the fact that perhaps if we crashed our car he may Hulk up and kill us put us off a little bit. Sorry Hulk / Banner.

Pros Cons
Seems like relationship material Is the Hulk 'issue' like, genetic now? If so, bonus con for next generation therapy costs
Would win in a bar fight over you honour EVERY TIME Sued continually by bar owners
Trousers grow with him, saving on midlife crisis sweat pants Shirts - not so much
Definitely would resuce you from a gamma radiation blast Fairly low chance this would be useful
He is Mark Ruffalo Substantial father issues

Thor / Thor

BS Rating: 9/10

Handsome, seems to have good morals, speaks nicely, is polite and has a really big hammer. What’s not to love?

Pros Cons
Wonderful Outfit Likes it a bit too much
Wonderful hair You're going to want to use the bathroom too
Great opportunities for inter-dimensional travel (no cost) Family Christmas could be difficult
Should be good at DIY Not sure the Ikea bookcase is compatible with that hammer
He is a god Doesn't automatically bestow godess title on partner
Could actually get you a moon on a stick Making your anniversary gifts look very tame

Loki / Loki

BS Rating: 6/10

Evil can be sexy but Loki’s narcissistic leanings mean he’d barely pay us any attention which just won’t work. On the plus side we could share hair products but I doubt he’d end us his cloak/pants/anything – Loki doesn’t share his toys.

Pros Cons
Awesome dress sense Seems unlikley to share his tailor with you
Highly unpredictable Highly unpredictable
Great sense of humour So long as you're not the subject
Can take any form - significant saving on Hallow'een costumes You're always going to look like the one dressed as a velour pumpkin
Fantastic magician Probably expensive to insure for kid's parties
Very well read Because he spends a lot of time in jail

Clint Barton / Hawkeye

BS Rating: Non-Runner

Ermmmmmm who is he again?

Pros Cons
Not high up on bad guy's hit list What the hell does this guy do?
Can probably shoot an apple off somebody's head What the hell does this guy do?
Struggling a bit here Seriously, the world is imploding, giant robots / space aliens are laying waste to entire cities and this guy turns up with a bow and arrow?
......... Honestly, even his name makes him sound like a Midwest carpet salesman. Can I interest you in this rug madam? Here, take my card in case you change your mind. That's right, just ask for Clint Barton. Number 1 saleman across all Ohio 2004....

Avengers: Age of Ultron is released in the UK on 23rd April 2015 and is reviewed here.

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